Pauline Hanson has unveiled a bold new reform agenda to dismantle Australia’s trees, oceans, and atmosphere within One Nation’s first 100 days in office, should the party win government in 2028. Addressing the National Press Club in Canberra today, the One Nation leader argued that the move would boost productivity by removing unnecessary bureaucracy and red tape, while saving the taxpayer billions of dollars in compliance costs. “For too long Australians have been forced to coexist with nature,” Ms. Hanson claimed.

“If a tree is leaning over your house, you can’t just remove it anymore. You’ve got consultants, arborists, cultural assessments, biodiversity offsets, and two years arguing with council while the thing drops branches on your roof every summer. If we remove the trees, we remove the paperwork. It’s just common sense.”

One Nation costings suggested that removing the atmosphere would eliminate severe weather events, removing the need for the Bureau of Meteorology and significantly reducing disaster recovery spending. “We’re paying millions of dollars for the BOM,” Hanson said. “It tells you it’s going to rain, you cancel your plans, and then it’s sunny all day. Australians are asking what exactly they’re getting for that when it’s wrong half the time. And every year we lose millions of dollars in productivity to floods, fires, and cyclones. People are sick of it. They’ve been saying that for years.”

Hanson said banning the ocean was the only way to turn the tide on Australia’s housing crisis. “I believe we are in danger of being swamped by the ocean,” she declared. “It is preventing development in every one of our coastal cities. You only have to look at places like Bondi or Surfers Paradise to see how much prime real estate the ocean is taking up. Australians are being forced to build upwards because vast stretches of the coastline remain underwater. The major parties keep promising to fix it, but the final bill is so watered down and full of holes it makes no difference.”

She pointed out that the ocean has been responsible for thousands of drowning deaths in Australia, and that large volumes of it enter Australian waters after passing through Muslim-majority regions. “We don’t know what extreme conditions it’s been exposed to, and we have no way of checking its visa,” she added, saying the situation was especially serious on the west coast, where “almost the entire ocean is Indian.”

Scientists warned the policy would cause the extinction of all life on Earth, though Hanson dismissed the criticism as an inner-city elite projection, saying Australians were tired of “constantly giving oxygen to woke greenies.”

Former prime minister Scott Morrison endorsed this proposal, saying it would finally allow political leaders to travel overseas without having to worry about natural disasters back home.

Hanson reassured Australians the changes would not extend to any underground mine.

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By Tristan White